No Victim Alone

When I was in grade 12, I was approached by a guy at the mall who seemed really nice. Things had been tough at home and we didn’t have much money. People picked on me at school for having an old iPhone and not wearing brand name clothes.

Over the next few months, I got to know him. He told me I was special, he showered me with flowers and gifts. I liked him and came to trust him. He was my person.

I had planned to take the next year off, after graduating high school, so I could save up money and go to college. But he told me that wouldn’t be necessary. He invited me to live with him and told me he could financially support me while I was going to university. He said money was not a problem for him.

I was so excited to be living with my boyfriend and starting college.

A few weeks after he paid my tuition, things started to change. One day, he told me he had hit hard times and he didn’t have enough money to keep supporting us. I needed to help out with the rent and save up for school next year. The best way to do this, he said, was to take up a job as a dancer. He said money was really good and I only had to do it for just a little while.

I wasn’t sure about this idea, but when I shared my concerns with him, he threatened to break up with me. Things got worse. I told him I wanted to leave, but he said if I did, I’d have to pay him back for my tuition or else he’d come after me and my family.

I wanted to keep him happy, so I ended up working in the strip club for a few months and then it became longer and longer. He took all of the money and barely gave me enough for food. He was sometimes nice though and I did everything I could to make him happy. I was walking on eggshells, not knowing when his mood was going to change. I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t see a way out.

Then, one day at my school, I saw an information session about Victim Services Toronto. It was about sex trafficking. I realized that’s what was happening to me.

I called Victim Services Toronto that day and spoke with a counsellor. She was non-judgemental and listened to me. She explained exactly what sex trafficking was and what I could do next. For the next several months, she supported me by helping me with housing and connecting me to services.

I realized that what had happened was not my fault. I was finally able to leave without feeling any more judgment and shame towards myself.

When I was 13 years old, I was sexually assaulted outside of my home. I began having panic attacks, my grades were dropping and I started cutting myself to cope with the pain. I even had thoughts of suicide. After seeing a TEAR presentation at my school, I decided I would call Victim Services Toronto for help. I called from my guidance counsellor’s office at school.

The VST counsellor on the other end of the phone provided me with emotional support by walking me through some safer methods I could use to cope with my difficult emotions. She told me I could share as much or as little as I wanted. It was hard. I had a few panic attacks as I was speaking, but the counsellor helped me through them. The counsellor asked if I had told my parents about the assault and I went quiet. My dad had died recently, and I didn’t want to upset my mom anymore than she already was. But I knew my mom needed to know.

My guidance counsellor called my mom and told her what was going on, while I stayed on the phone with the VST counsellor. My mom came to school and held me in her arms. We made a plan to report it to the police the next day. The VST counsellor asked if I wanted Dandy the Trauma Dog to come to the police station with me, and I said yes. I love dogs and want to be a vet when I grow up.

The next day, at the police station, Dandy joined me as I gave my statement. She came over to me, sat down, and put her paw on my lap. I pet her soft coat while I was speaking, and it was the first time I was able to share what had happened without having a panic attack. When I felt overwhelmed, I took a break and played fetch with Dandy. At one point, Dandy started chasing her own tail, which made me laugh.

When it came time for my court dates, Dandy was there with me. Each time, she sat next to me with her head in my lap. She calmed me down when I was feeling anxious and gave me the courage to keep going.

At the final court appearance, my VST counsellor gave me a Dandy stuffed animal. She’s so cute. I keep her on my bed and give her a hug every time I’m feeling sad or anxious. I’ve still got healing to do, but now I know I’m not alone.

My son was playing basketball in our community centre when he was shot and killed in a random shooting. He was only 23. I’ll never forget the afternoon the police and a VST counsellor came to break the news to my wife and I. My whole world caved in. I could barely process what they were telling me.

The counsellor stood with me and my wife as we shook with grief. When our other three children came home, we didn’t know what to tell them. It was the most difficult thing I’ve had to do, but the counsellor helped us support them through it.

We called our close friends and the counsellor sat with us until they came over. While we were waiting, he slowly walked us through what would happen next, and asked us about our immediate financial needs. Our son was the primary breadwinner in our family, since I had a major health issue and my wife had lost her job earlier that year.

Each day for the next week or two, our counsellor checked in on us. He helped us access a fund, which provided emergency financial support and would cover the costs of my son’s funeral. No parent is supposed to have a funeral plan for their son in their twenties. He also connected us with grief counselling options for ourselves and our children.

In the days and weeks that followed, our VST counsellor walked alongside our family. Many days, I called him crying, not even knowing what to say. Our counsellor showed up on what would have been our son’s 24th birthday and bore witness to his empty chair at our table. He also gave us coping strategies to use at the holidays when the grief was almost unbearable.

Today, my wife is feeling scared to let our other children out of our home. My youngest boy has grown withdrawn and angry at losing his role model. I’m worried I’m forgetting the sound of my son’s voice. We’re all experiencing this tragedy in different ways, so we’re all getting individualized support.

The road to healing is long, but VST is making it a little more bearable. I’ve found comfort knowing that someone is here to help my family on the days I can’t.

If my neighbour hadn’t called the police after hearing my screams that day, I’m not sure I would still be here. I came to Canada when I was 32 years old, and after only 2 months of being here, my sponsor – who was also my new husband – began physically assaulting me. It started out as a slap or a push, and escalated to the point where he would put his hands around my neck and make me almost pass out. My son, who was 5 years old at the time, watched it all.

I was trapped in our apartment that had become my prison. My husband had broken my phone and taken my bank card and money. He wouldn’t give me a key to the apartment, and he wouldn’t let me get a driver’s license or TTC pass. I couldn’t speak much English and he threatened that if I went for help, he would get my son deported back home. For months, I lived in a state of fear.

The day the police arrived, a VST counsellor was with them. The counsellor spoke my language and was able to translate what I was saying to the police. She saw that my cupboards were bare and asked my son what he wanted for dinner. My son said cheese pizza, so the counsellor ordered one for us. While my son ate his food and watched TV, I told the counsellor the whole story.

The counsellor gave me a donated cell phone and helped me put my SIM card into it. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing I could call my family at home now and tell them I needed their help.

At the recommendation of the police, the counsellor arranged to have the locks on my apartment changed. She also showed me how to call the police from my phone, and together we made a safety plan. Finally, she gave me a grocery gift card so I could order food for my son and I. I felt like I could finally see a way out.

In the weeks that followed, VST counsellors checked in on me. They helped arrange for me to attend ESL classes so I could learn more English, and helped me find childcare for my son so I could get a job. They also connected me with a settlement agency so I could get support with my status questions, and helped me open a new bank account.

Today, I’m working full-time at a new job and continuing to take English classes in the evenings. I’ve made a friend in my building who’s shown me how to use the TTC and where to buy the best cultural foods. I still check in with my case manager at my local division and my counsellor at VST. While it hasn’t been easy, I’m so glad to know I’m no longer alone.